So, I was having one of those deep, late-night conversations with my husband, the kind that starts off chill and somehow ends with your whole ego slightly bruised. I asked him if he felt like we have enough sex in our relationship, and without hesitation, he said… no.

Now, let me tell you, that answer caught me all the way off guard.

I’ve always considered myself a very sexual person. For over ten years, I worked as a sex educator and advocate for sexual liberation. I used to say, “I’ll never be that wife who withholds sex from her husband.” I meant it, and honestly, I think that’s part of what drew him to me. So hearing “no” made me pause like, wait a minute… what?

Naturally, I asked why he felt that way. His answer?

“Because you’re always mad at me.”

Insert dramatic eye roll.

That’s far from the truth. Most times we don’t have sex, it’s because we’re exhausted from a long day or, let’s be real, he’s had beans or something that’s got his stomach doing gymnastics. (Gas is not sexy, I don’t care how in love you are.)

What’s wild is, I’m extremely attracted to my husband. I think about him all the time, like, in that way. I even have subtle cues I use to let him know when it’s “go time.” Certain outfits, no underwear, little things that, to me, say everything.

But apparently, he’s been missing all the signs.

He told me he didn’t even realize those were clues.

Sir, what?

He swears he knows me better than I know myself… but moments like this say otherwise.

Right now, I’m literally typing this while sitting next to him in our king-size bed, me pouring my heart into this reflection, him playing a game on his phone. We’re talking about not having enough sex… but not doing anything about it. Irony at its finest.

This all started because I saw a post from a man saying how hard dating is because “everyone’s married or in love with someone else,” and how married people supposedly have more sex, just not always with their spouses. According to him, married men are extra attractive to single women because they’re “off the market.”

That one sent my brain spinning.

My husband insists he’s not like “those men,” and I do believe him… most days. But when he says he doesn’t feel we’re intimate enough, part of me wonders, do men ever really feel like it’s enough?

Over ten years together, four years married, and here we are having this conversation that I never thought we’d need to have. I thought we were good. I thought he was good.

Apparently, my perspective was off.

So here I am, candid, reflective, and slightly confused, asking myself (and maybe you would be too):

What do I do with this information?

Have you ever had these talks with your partner?

Do they help… or just make things awkward?

Because right now, I’m torn between lighting a candle and initiating sex, or just turning on some Seinfeld and going to sleep.